CLEAN SHEETS

For all you babies out there, I've got a new trick. Here's my deal. I'm a neat freak. If you've been around me and think I stink, you should take that up with my mother. I myself prefer things to be very clean. Recently I've been a bit disgusted with my mommy and daddy's bed. They wash the sheets every week, but the feather comforter, duvet, coverlet, and all the other fun soft things on their bed have not been washed in a while. I decided to remedy this by biding my time and waiting for the perfect moment. In the middle of a diaper change, just as they were about to put a fresh one on me, I aimed my gun towards the bed and squirted EVERYTHING down. Guess what I got to roll around on later? CLEAN BEDDING...and not just the sheets...even the feather comforter was washed!!! So for those of you who want clean bedding, and not just you babies, Ellie this means you too, why not just take a leak?

THIS IS WHAT I GO THROUGH

Understand this about me, I LOVE to eat. However, because I cannot quite reach the fridge, I am in need of the woman that feeds me. Here is how a typical feeding goes:

-She puts me in the chair and that's when I know my dinner will be served soon

-She stands around doing what looks like nothing--mixing things and such--as I flail my arms, pound on the tray, and scream at her that I am starving and will soon be emaciated if she doesn't feed me soon! Of course, she takes her time. I'm hungry dangit!!!

-She spoons some awful thing in my mouth, I give her a dirty look that means sick, I want the bottle.

-Unfortunately she is not intelligent enough to speak my language, so she keeps shoveling the gruel into my mouth. Why can't another baby feed me? He would understand what I'm saying.

-I eat it knowing that the sooner I finish this filth, I will get my beloved bottle.

-When I grab the spoon and play with the food, the big meanie snatches it from me, wipes my face and walks away.

-Here's the real kicker, my parents eat in front of me all the time. Apparently no one has told them that it's rude. I even managed to wiggle to a bag of taco bell and the food and what did they do, snatch the delicious quesadilla from me seconds before it reached my lips.

-Being a baby sucks. One day I'll be big enough to feed myself and I may just put the woman in the highchair and feed her that crap!

JUST CHILLIN

As you can see I'm very laid back, I can sleep anywhere, and I love to lay in bed and just hang out, watch tv, eat, you know do what all the cool babies are doing these days.

HELLO WORLD

I would like to introduce myself and clear up a few misconceptions about me.

My name is Atticus Gideon Van Akin and I was ripped from the womb on a cold Saturday in February. I spent two months in that miserable hospital in a plastic box. Welcome to the world they said, I said please send me back.

I should tell you about my parents. My father is a funny, hard-working man, who comes home at night and plays with me. My mother, bless her soul, tries but I don't think she always understands me. There are times when I spend minutes, literally MINUTES, crying before she figures out what I want. Seriously would you want to sit in your own feces? I think not. It's not like I have the luxury of using the facilities, do I look like I know how to use my legs yet?

So here I am trying to figure out this world. People think I'm such a good baby, let me let you in on a little secret, this is all a ploy to get them to like me. I think about the age of two I'm going to let them see the real me. Until then, I'm keeping a low profile.

I started this blog to let people know what I really think and let them in on what's going on in my life. I hope you enjoy your time at my blog and please visit frequently.